Yume

Yume wo miteita.

Sono yume no naka ni, kaze no youna, kasuka na koe ga takai sora kara boku wo yondeiru. Kimi no koe dake kikoeta. “Sora ga aoi yo ne?” Kimi ga hohoenda. Demo, yawarakana kaze ni dakare, anata omou kokoro setsunaku naru. Mou modorenai kana? Anata no ude ni tsutsumareteita yasashii hibi. Yasashii koe. Yasashii na basho. Anata wa ima doko de nani wo shite imasu ka? Kono sora no tsuzuku basho ni imasu ka? Kawashita yakusoku kokoro ni mada aru kana?

Tsumetai hitomi no mama ningyou mitai ni hohoemu, zutto kono mama de tooku wo miteiru. Me wo tojite miete kuru, kaze no yuku michi. Miagereba hibiki dasu, hoshi-tachi no uta. Nijuuyo jikan zutto, kono mama de, ikiteimasu.

Anata no soba ni iru dake de, tada sore dake de yokatta noni…
Kaze to utau you ni, doko made mo issho ni tonde yuketa nara ii nanoni…

Doushite? Doushite suki nan darou? Konna ni namida afureteru no. Kimi no koe kanashii hodo hibiiteru no. Ima made nani ga sasae datta ka tooku hanarete wakatta no. Namida tomaranai. Tomaranai. Konnan ja, kimi no koto shirazuni ireba yokata. Dareka wo suki ni naru kimochi shiritaku nakatta yo! Kuyashii yo, tottemo. Kanashii yo, tottemo. Jibun ga warui no. Konna jibun ga mijime de yowakute kawaisou de daikirai! Soredemo, anata wa watashi no daisuki na hito. Zutto, zutto, daisuki na hito.

Matteru. Nijuuyo jikan zutto matteru. Kono basho de matteru. Kono michi de matteru. Modorenakutemo matteru. Wasurenaide ne. Wasurenai kara. Itsumademo oboeteru. Kono machi ga kawattemo. Nani mo ka mo kawatte mo. Sono yakusoku wa ima mo kono mune no mannaka ni imasu. Modoritai. Ano hi wo modoritai. Mada shinjiteiru. Anata to no yakusoku dake, tada shinjiteiru.

Yume no naka ni imasu. Korekara mo zutto, imasu.

No matter how hard it hurts me, I’ll never say goodbye. Your presence will always linger in my heart. Wanna see your smile again.

Animax-Asia… Dubbed in English – Episode 11: Something New

Well, it’s been a long time since I cared about Animax-Asia again. For so long, this anime channel has never changed much in terms of its dubbing policies and prowess, showing yes, the same quality that caused a lot of my complaints over the course of this episodic drama. I didn’t care anymore what kind of anime is being shown there and even in our own local anime channels. I guess I really just ended my anime-on-TV watching altogether, in favor of digital distributions and DVDs. I do admit though that this channel, and all others showing anime series locally, have really contributed to the popularity of this kind of entertainment as a whole in our country. Nowadays I wouldn’t be surprised anymore if someone comes up to me and mentions certain “niche” series, the NOT NARUTOS and NOT BLEACHES of genres. I think even the sometimes-talked about ‘elitism’ within groups of anime fans seems to be blurring itself away as well. Nowadays I don’t think other people would say that some anime will just be “bastardized” or it will lose its niche appeal once it comes on TV to be shown to the mainstream. I think people now appreciate that they have a vast selection of shows to choose from on TV. Choice is good.

cb5
Let me focus on what’s happening on local TV first. There’s a new player in town, well actually an older player, local channel TV5. Since the new management change, the channel has revived its anime primetime block. This will be the first time in 5 or so years that anime can be seen on evening, because the other major channels have trashed this idea in favor of more lucrative markets like gameshows, the usual teleseryes and more meh reality series. TV5 goes a step further, with its anime selection seemingly and surprisingly relevant to the very discerning anime fan. Maybe their staff are anime fans too, probably knowing about the fansub and internet world and also what’s critically acclaimed and popular in anime. From classics like Ranma 1/2, mild hits like Special A, DNAngel, and Ragnarok to REALLY good stuff like Azumanga Daioh, Shakugan no Shana, Code Geass, and Cowboy Bebop, this is really a powerhouse lineup that trumps even the 24-hour anime cable channel selections. Whatever I sampled about their dubbing is not bad, and they even completely show the openings and endings. The guys at TV5 know their stuff, and I say kudos to them for this excellent alternative programming especially in competitive times. A few more mentions though. QTV selection is quite decent as well, but they show anime on some odd and unpopular schedules. ABS-CBN and GMA has yawn-inducing reruns and kid-focused new anime. Studio 23 still shows the ever-antique Samurai X, but at least it’s picking up pace with Blood+ (original English dub, quite rare) and the upcoming Gun X Sword. Hero TV is as usual, nothing to report, although as a bishoujo anime fan I’m rather surprised to see some bishoujo game based anime there (Kiminozo, Happiness and Da Capo).

Now, let’s go to the meat, Animax-Asia. It really had been stagnant for quite a while. They have the same good-to-average-to-poor dubbing quality and they still hire the same voice dubbers for the job, all these years. Everytime I channel-surf in random, when it comes to Animax-Asia, I would say “OMG they show this anime now? But meh, dubbing as usual.” There are also lame attempts at capturing new markets. I think they tried some magazine shows, featuring stuff I wouldn’t normally see in an anime-focused channel. They have quirky Takeshi’s Castle-style Japanese game shows too. I don’t see Music Station often there anymore, have they canned their jpop music show? They also do specials for Hollywood geek shows and movies in sci-fi and comic genres. Finally, they have their own original anime production. I think a Filipino wrote the script of LaMB, which is quite nice but it’s not my genre.

And more confusion, as some anime (like Slam Dunk) are being shown BOTH on dubs and original Japanese with subtitles in different time schedules. What’s up with that? Old AXN anime fans haunting them? Trying to win back the audience they lost (me included)? Well, this may be a start. Another nice anime selection, Nodame Cantabile, is being shown ‘exclusively’ in original Japanese with English subtitles. Considering the content of this popular shoujo anime, it is rather logical to show it on subs, although I wouldn’t be surprised if they give it their lame dub treatment someday. I really hope not. This is positive news moving forward. They have returned to their roots, although I initially thought that they are just testing the waters.

But this is where it really begins. The other major, and this time it’s rather MAJOR, change in Animax-Asia is the announcement of not only one, but two new anime premieres in the original Japanese with English subtitles format. Good, more subs for the sub-loving audience they want to return to. But wait, there’s more to this. When I mean new anime, I mean NEW, as in fresh in Japan. As in SIMULTANEOUS PREMIERES! SIMULCAST!

imageimage
http://www.animax-asia.com/news/animax-asia-makes-history-world’s-first-same-time-anime-simulcast

Tears to Tiara and the new Fullmetal Alchemist will be shown on Animax-Asia in the original Japanese language with English subtitles. Tears to Tiara will be completely simulcast on the same time schedule in Japan… you can literally watch the episode at the same time Japanese fans can watch it. Fullmetal Alchemist episodes will show a mere week later from its Japanese counterpart. I think that this is, really, historic.

While Crunchyroll already does this in its internet distribution, these are firsts for television. I think they have reached a maximum-possible turnabout for anime premieres. To think that some time ago, we still need to wait a year or two for anime to appear on television sets, now we (English-literate anime fans) can have same-second entertainment the way the Japanese gets entertained. This is also a direct challenge to the gray-area (pirated if you see it that way) anime fansub scene, because really, is there any need (other than private collecting) for Tears to Tiara fansubs now? Not that I predict that show is worth it. I like Leaf/Aquaplus game based anime but I don’t follow their fantasy pieces (Utawaremono included) as much as To Heart and White Album stuff. Fullmetal Alchemist – Brotherhood though, this is the BIG one. If the old series had so much critical acclaim even with its complete diversion from the manga, what more with this when they said that the new anime will faithfully follow the manga this time? New episodes premiere in six days. Only speedsub lovers would dig the fansubs now. Even I prefer marathon runs especially on shounen pieces like these, so recap marathons on the channel would be welcome to me.

This is really the next step, a huge one for anime fans like me. Along with internet distributions and rapid DVD releases, Japanese anime companies are finally seeing the international market, and that they can cater to them by showing them the absolute latest of what they can offer. They also know now that they can reduce potential piracy by doing so. I hope that this is only the beginning. I don’t think Animax-Asia will rest on their laurels now that they have more positive mindshare coming from me, sub fans, fansub viewers, FMA fans, Tears to Tiara fans (however few lolz), and all others in the mainstream. This can only continue with MORE simulcast premieres right? I hope that you guys can muster some time to give them positive feedback, maybe by e-mail, guestbook, or blogging, showing our appreciation for this wonderful news (so we can have moar of this). Even with the recession, well, “in fact” with this recession, innovation will be something that will drive things forward, create new markets and energize the economy. This is innovative television programming. I am truly looking forward to this, as I can finally have a reason to turn the TV on for anime, delivered the way I like it. Finally, something new. WELCOME BACK!

TABLE OF CONTENTS
[Animax-Asia… Dubbed in English – Episode 1: The end of Animax-Asia? Too sudden!?->]
[Animax-Asia… Dubbed in English – Episode 2: Cardcaptured.->]
[Animax-Asia… Dubbed in English – Episode 3: Trying to Adjust->]
[Animax-Asia… Dubbed in English – Episode 4: Towards the 1st Anniversary->]
[Animax-Asia… Dubbed in English – Episode 5: I gave up on Animax-Asia->]
[Animax-Asia… Dubbed in English – Episode 6: One year since->]
[Animax-Asia… Dubbed in English – Episode 7: Dubbed in Filipino?!?->]
[Animax-Asia… Dubbed in English – Episode 7.5: Initial D Filipino Stage->]
[Animax-Asia… Dubbed in English – Episode 8: More Pain->]
[Animax-Asia… Dubbed in English – Episode 9: Now in blue->]
[Animax-Asia… Dubbed in English – Episode 10: Fake Revival->]
[Animax-Asia… Dubbed in English – Episode 11: Something New->]
[Animax-Asia… Dubbed in English – Episode 12: Red with anger->]

Canvas 2 ~Niji-iro no Sketch~

Canvas 2

imageimage
In a cookie-cutter world of bishoujo anime, sometimes there are a few series that surprise and amaze me, one of which is Canvas 2. I actually watched this during a recent vacation trip of mine, and it never failed me at all during the boring bus rides. Canvas 2 is a witty, smart, and effective romantic comedy that tries to humanize the usual bishoujo romance and add not only an artistic element (focusing on art and drawings), but also real-life concerns and decision-making.
Continue reading Canvas 2 ~Niji-iro no Sketch~

Life lessons from a bishoujo male lead

Hallo. I’m a male lead in a bishoujo game! And in my world there are lots of girls, not any different from your so-called “real life”. I’m just a bored and boring guy just like some of you. Maybe some of you play me because I already have tons of girls served to me in a silver platter, something which some of you may never get to have because similarly you are wussies like me! But I will differentiate myself from you, because I already have the girls, right? All I do is pick one! Easy squeezy! And you know what? I can “screw” them in the end of my short life! Jealous? Well, I only live like a few months because most of the time my story ends before graduation or something… but still… lolz.

Let me tell you, it’s easy work! I just be “kind” to the girl I want to have… done! I bump into one girl, she drops her books and papers… I just pick them up! Hello there iincho! I just out-shout and out-smart tsunderes who are annoyingly loud at times. I can bring out her softer side. I can just act like a baby to those girls older than me. I can also act like a onii-chan to those younger than me. See? It’s easy! Because I’m fiction!

Now it seems like it’s nearing Valentines or whatever eh? Lots of bloggers and others proclaiming their loveless lives calling it SAD (Singles Awareness Day) or whatever? Hahahaha! Too bad for you guys, because you live in reality! I heard it’s more complex over there. What with all the emos and such running around the internets. Me? I’m not supposed to surf the internets in my world anyway. I only have highschool settings. You know what I think what’s wrong with you guys? The internet itself! It allows you to groupthink. You meet people with almost the same lives as yours. You hear the same cries. You become most the same. And yet you don’t know each other in reality. And yet you still derive something from each other in reality. If you’re ronery you become ronerier because you see similar ronery people making you not move yourself because “oh other people are like this anyway, so I’ll remain like this for the rest of my life.” Me? Sure I have a worthless male sidekick or two, but at least I’m not affected by other people in other bishoujo game worlds. My world is small… well, small enough that all girls in my world look beautiful. HAHAHA!

Eh…

Ok fine, I need to reflect on myself, as I am actually giving you disservice as well. I am a “wish fulfillment” property. I am not real, but some people may consider some parts of me and apply it to their own lives. Sometimes it can be beneficial, other times, not so much. I’m not in the position to explain this complexity in your lives, because I am not complex enough to think so. Maybe you are. It will depend on your personality, the environment around you, and the decisions you make towards life. You are a complex being.

I’m sorry if I’m kinda boastful about my own fictional world. Well it’s not my fault that I’m fictional, some writer made it out of their own thoughts. More importantly though, the writers made it out by their “inspired” thoughts. Those writers, they live in real life like you do. They may have experiences like you do, and maybe some experiences you don’t have yet. Similarly, you have experiences they don’t have as well. Ooh it sounds all confusing to me. In any case, I think you have tons of ways to live your life. Me, I only follow my dialogue and decision points. This is important, because to me, everything is a script. The world you have there is sometimes unscripted, and you alone are writing it, one second at a time. You actions, your decisions, you control your reality.

I don’t know how to console you. I may not even have the right to. But if this is any help, here goes. If you compare yourself with others, you may become bitter and jealous. There will always be people better than you. It works both ways too. There will be people worse off than you. But that gives you no reason to screw up further. Also, let me tell you this, because my endings with my chosen girls are sometimes unwritten. There is life after love. Even if you got your girl already, there are still challenges ahead. I can only imagine what these are, because as I said, I can never live it. How to nurture these relationships over the years are still up to you. How you grow yourself is also up to you. Many of you think that love is the only thing lacking in you, not realizing other real things you lack. People are somewhat blinded by love, saying it’s the only thing that matters, especially in this love month season. Again, that’s just groupthink. Sure, your society seems to embrace that notion, and that singles who grow old being single are somewhat ‘silently’ frowned upon. Bah, but who cares what they think? If you affect yourself with their thoughts too much, you would only pity yourself further and you just sit in that corner crying.

There is some truth to the “be yourself” saying that is sometimes overlooked. If you just simply and literally “be yourself”, you may end up not growing up and moving towards the goals you are supposed to set yourself. I think a better way to rephrase it is to “accept yourself”. Whoever you are, whatever you are. Know your limits. ‘Then from there’, build on your limitations to pursue your goals. Realistic goals first before you insert any fantasies. Well, fantasy goals can be good too, it reinforces your positive thoughts. Be yourself, accept yourself, then change. The only thing that may be constant in your world is change. Sometimes it’s hard to change, I know. Personally I can never change unless the writer gives me an additional scenario in a revision bump or fandisk. As I said, I’m just at the mercy of my writer. Don’t be like me. You are your own writer.

I hope I made some sense. My fictional life may never be reality, but at least some part of it is. It would still depend on you if you can apply this to yourself or not.

Lovingly yours,
(insert bishoujo male lead name here)

Da Capo II: Maya Sawai

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She’s not my favorite character in this game, but I like Maya because she actually reminds me of one of my ____ in real life. Unnecessary tidbit aside though, let me just say that Maya is almost the same as many other iinchos (class representatives) in the anime or bishoujo world. She is a tsundere meganekko. Well she’s not exactly as snobbish or strict as an iincho usually is, but she still has the spunk and the strong character. Like any strong character though, there are some vulnerabilities inside, so let me show you what she has in store for us.
Continue reading Da Capo II: Maya Sawai

I hate siscon

noooooo
I used to like [siscon->boku-wa-imouto-ni-koi-wo-suru]… but I hate it now. Because most of the time, especially this year, siscon wins, and my pick loses.

Let me count the ways (possible SPOILERS for those not watching)

true tears
This was the beginning of my frustration. After building up Noe for most of the series, some kind of wild deus ex machina led the guy back to Hiromi. Not that I hate the siscon in this one, but I hate the emoness of Hiromi. She is dark, moody, always looking sad. Noe is the light, positive, warm and fuzzy. Okay fine, I admit that in terms of story, true tears is actually well balanced. Equal opportunity was given to the two main girls, and also surprisingly a short but sweet oneshot for the third girl. But still, summing it all up, I choose the bright over the gloom.

[Kimikiss->kimikiss]
Technically still a siscon for me, because the guy calls her “Mao-neechan”. I don’t see how the guy would like Mao-neechan. It wasn’t fleshed out as much as I would have liked. Also, the shift just began out of nowhere, and in the final episode no less. In any case, as I said in my review, this anime seems open-ended enough to have some sequel, maybe college kimikiss rabu dorama is good.

Da Capo II
Well I forgot. Did he pick one here? I think it was some generic no-girl-wins anime. I played the [game->dc2] to death and so I had all the girl fix I needed, so I didn’t care who wins who in the anime. Besides, the ones in the running are “two” sisters, so I can never win here. Ah I know, the reason I was fawning about this anime was the lack of Nanaka. She had no arc. A whole half-season with Koko as girlfriend… and NO NANAKA ARC. Underdog Koko wins. Kotori fans lose again.

Akane-iro ni Somaru Saka
The latest addition. This is one of the worst reversals I have seen yet. The episodes are clearly aiming for my pick, the kawaii tsundere himesama Yuuhi. It had the best episode at 10, one that I myself was surprised. Usually in anime like this, girl or boy confess, then next day, tadah… they’re a school couple acting like they’ve been together for 5 years. In this one, it mirrors real-life feelings of worry. So, they said “I love yous”, now what? They don’t know how to move after this. Embarrassments. Not knowing how to act. Some things still not set. It’s cute! They really acted like a new couple madly in love but they still have some lingering worries.

But then the imouto starts to go emo over his nii-san. Out of the blue, because there was not enough focus for this kind of angle. I know the guy always mouthwaters over his sister Minato, but really, the WTF comes from the guy’s best friend (the sidekick guy). HOW DOES HE KNOW THE SISCON? He’s forcing some unneeded drama, saying “can you live without your sister”. HA? Suppose the brother has a gf, does it mean bags-a-packing separation already? Madness! Also, what the hell is the main guy… a worthless dependent? But he can cook and take care of himself even without Minato. He’s just lazy, so he depends on Minato for the chores. So I blame the sidekick too. That was out of line.

Insight (end spoilers)
There is a pattern with siscon:

Well most of the time, the imoutochan or oneesan seems eternally close to the guy. Typical setting is the unbelievable they-live-together-without-their-parents-style, and 90% of the time, they are not blood-related. Then there comes some exchange student / outsider person / some fiancee, a girl who will suddenly sneak into the guy’s life. Most of the time I tend to like the “outsider girl”, because the main guy in the anime is usually lousy, lazy, indecisive and irresponsible. 90% of harem male leads are this way. They always rely on their imouto/ane for food and house work while they idle around the house watching TV or bitching about their latest adventures with the other bishoujo girls. An outsider girl’s mission always seems to be to take the guy out of this norm. she will be an inspiration for change and an aspiration for the guy to try to be a better person. All the while the sister looks like she approves for some girls and relationships, while hiding her slowly changing feelings. After all, if you live together for some years, then some new thing comes barging in, there will be some distance slowly opening between you and your sibling. Changes. This is where the drama kicks in, because the years-old foundation will start to crumble. What will the guy choose… change? Or more of the same? (oof not election-related I hope)

Another problem with male leads like this is that they’re “too kind”. I guess kindness is what’s left after all the negative traits I mentioned earlier. That even if this guy has already established a relationship with one girl, he still acts as if he has a harem. Why not focus on your new relationship? This just gives the other girls, and most especially the sister, the wrong idea. Gah, even anime and eroge puts this error in dialogue. Many-a-bishoujo will say “You’re too kind” to the guy. The guy still looks indecisive EVEN with the decision already there. The sister gives in to the pressure, that slight light of hope that she can still “steal back” her beloved brother. And then, the limit will be reached, and so the emotions will flow…

…BAM! So I have summarized the sister viewpoint for 90% of all the bishoujo or harem anime out there. I’m starting to wear out of this. The siscon genre (genre?) needs some bright new angle soon, or else I shall cast them all to [choke sakura petals->da-capo].

Side note: bluemist has an imouto.

12 Days of Catchup… oof 10 days left. (about bishoujo anime)

Let me start the ball rolling again, even if it’s late. The key to restarting a blog is to start talking. I’m fairly noisy over on my Twitter, so I hope it could translate into something here.

I’m trying to shift focus this time. Because honestly, the bishoujo side of things isn’t up to snuff lately. Sure, Clannad is still as good as ever… but do you remember [AIR->air-tv]?

I don’t think even KyoAni topped their own previous creation. AIR was arguably the greatest-looking TV anime ever made, and I think (hope) many would agree. It had the stuff you’ll jizz your pants with even if you only have a 720p rip of the not-even-true-1080p Blu-ray version. But it’s not only about visuals, the story (though compressed) had a perfect pace episode-after-episode. The music was completely based on the game (and therefore faithful to the original), and the overall package is just superb. The legend of KyoAni didn’t start in Haruhi IMO, it started with this one.

Aside from the yearly almost-consistent quality bishoujo anime from Kyoto Animation (AIR, Kanon, Clannad), the quality of the “side-dishes” (I may be harsh) of this genre has somewhat degraded over the years. Well, it is a relatively recent category (it just exploded in 2003) so I’d give it more breathing space. Who knows, it may have some kind of influence that we aniblogger gaijin may not notice. Ever wonder if it (Shuffle overexposure) ever made an impact when [Densha Otoko->densha-otoko-bishoujo-tracker] aired? Hey, those may be picture cameos, but with 20% of Japan watching that show, someone must have noticed. Right? Right? If Densha Otoko started some maid cafe boom, did it start some buying-eroge boom?

I used to make a [yearly poll->http://forums.animesuki.com/showthread.php?t=59973] of the best bishoujo game/visual novel/eroge-based anime over at AnimeSuki Forums. This year, I’m not so sure if anyone’s interested. I myself have praised nothing but Clannad, and I expect the overflooding of votes for that anime since I don’t think anything else matters this year. [Kimikiss->] was IMO great, but not for everyone. [Da Capo II->dc2] was really great, it was faithful to the game, but only in the latter half did it commit to its promise.

After those two anime… er… I had to check anime lists to see what else aired during the year. H2O? Anything good about that? How about Koihime Musou (wasn’t it an ero anime too?) How about Akaneiro and Chaos:Head? I think the reportedly decent ones this year are true tears (but that’s not based on the game) and ef (haven’t watched yet because I’m lame).

So that’s my bishoujo catchup. Up next… hopefully… the shoujo catchup.

Alone

I’ve gone to the point where I care less what people think, and at the same time worried on what people think. It’s this impossible duality that boggles my life lately. I have this unbearable feeling that, because of so many factors, I may have forgotten an important human feeling. Hmm… that sounds Skip Beat-ish.

With my inherent weakness in dealing with people, I am unable to control the world around me. I would always think a lot. Worry a lot. Trouble myself a lot. Sometimes I wish I could read minds, because I can’t finalize my decisions on my own if I don’t have the big picture. Maybe I’m just a computer that needs input in order to give output. I can’t do anything on my own.

I am not an otaku. I don’t lock myself in my room. No matter how I wished to be alone, I am not. But in being so, I am hurting, because I’m sure that whatever I do, it would reflect to the ones close to me. If I have a tainted reputation, the reputation of my family, my friends, other people I know, may be tainted because of me. Am I thinking too outward? Or am I trying to just lose the burden on me, thinking only of myself? If I have a tainted reputation, I could care less, but still want to be happy. Me me me. Am I thinking too inward?

This blog was, to a certain extent, a vital outlet of my emotions. I was, and still am, thankful for the few views and comments. At some point, for some reason, I wanted to know more. I wanted to put faces in, meet a few bloggers in real life, look at what makes them tick. I lurk heavily on their blogs, their twitters, their sites, in the hopes of getting myself closer to them, because in the end, I am mostly alone. Even with my real friends, I feel alone. Even with myself, I feel alone. And despite my hope for closeness, I sometimes turn away with a (Shinji) hedgehog dilemma. I just hurt myself in the process.

Now I’m losing everything. Look how empty this space is. If this post won’t have comments, how would I feel? Further into darkness? The problem is not just this blog not being updated often. This blog is an extension of what is really happening in my life. I’m not “updating myself”. I’m not moving from this spot. I’m not changing. This seems comfortable. But in the end, I worry about myself. This is not about love anymore, this is about life. How, despite my desire for change, can’t just start anything that easily.

I won’t try to put on a fake mask anymore. Beyond sweet words, lol expressions, emo thoughts, whatever the season is. In the end only true feelings matter.

I am lonely.

Would you share in my loneliness?

“I fear the turning of the pages, the difference of the new. In the end, I refuse change, no matter how much I desire it”
– myself

Return to Innocence

While everyone in the anime blogosphere is busy arguing about subs-srs-bsns and rawwatching=imawesomekneelbeforezod, I’m here kinda reflecting about how I myself am continually [losing my proficiency->losing-japanese] because I don’t have anymore real-world outlets to refresh or retrain myself. Oh, and I decided to skip the [JLPT3->jlpt-2] this year because of personal scheduling conflicts. It’s true for me (at least) that anime or any other Japanese visual culturing alone cannot make me brush up on my Nihongo. There really has to be some sort of two-way conversation.

Video, audio and text can only give me “half” a conversation. It improves my listening skills, trying to pick up every word and process them on the fly to hopefully make a coherent understanding of whatever has been written or said to me. But the other “half” of it is primarily answering back. Me, talking or writing. It’s definitely HARDER. So there I was back in mid-2006, on the way to Japan. I really expect this to happen to me. I know fully well that no matter how many hours I expose my eyes and ears with kanji madness and moe~ seiyuu speaking, the real way to learn the language is doing it MYSELF. No more fiction, I have to apply it in real life.

So indeed, my early months were a nightmare. I was trying to speak with the Japanese folk in my workplace, but I was frequently corrected by them in terms of speaking the right words, the formality, timing, diction, etc. I’m thankful they were patient enough, but I still don’t wanna trouble them too much, so I decided to sign in the slightly formal Nihongo schooling a friend recommended. Every weekend I go by train to somewhere in Meguro, attending lessons. I had initially requested to skip the very basic lessons because I already know something. But because admittedly I only am capable in the hearing part, I had to cram to keep up with the kana and some basic kanji. It was fun because not only can I practice conversation with a teacher, but also with my fellow students. My classmates were of different nationalities, so there’s definitely no (English) cheating in conversations, I really have to think and speak in Japanese because this is the only common among us. And it’s a small group of students per class so it is easy for the teacher to nitpick about our strengths and weaknesses. I attended those sessions for two seasons (26 weeks), and from there life in Japan was a bit easier.

I was in Japan for about a year, and finally I went back home to the Philippines in mid-2007. With those lessons (and Japan-life in itself) as a foundation, I passed JLPT4. Now I have a certificate to brag right? Well wrong. It doesn’t end there of course. I continually have to find outlets to maintain the skill that I had. Unfortunately, I have no Japanese friends, and I can’t continue schooling because I am busy. I was able to take lessons in Japan, well because, heck, what “else” am I supposed to do there? Aside from work, there is nothing over there. I just can’t hop the densha to be an otaku in Akihabara every weekend, nor do I have the finances to hop the train to be a tourist elsewhere. Back home, weekends can be a million other things because I have more friends to be with, transportation is cheaper, and what the hell, it’s MY COUNTRY and I know it! Another bummer is that there is little chance that I would be able to go back to Japan by my employment. My resignation is more probable than that.

So without an outlet of “real” studying, I had to relegate myself to consuming anime and related stuff. This is where I discovered how it goes down like the economy. The first casualty was about the To Heart 2 ~Another Days~ game. I was supposed to play it and post summaries like [before->toheart2] but the extreme complexity of the dialogue astounded me. On that note though, kudos to Leaf. I was able to finish Circus’ [Da Capo II->dc2] without much fuss, and I’m going through Key’s Little Busters without problems today. But TH2AD was nightmarish, it has more complex sentences and words. Good writers, Leaf has.

The second thing I discovered was I am watching more subs than raws. I could argue that my anime watching has undergone a bit of a diet, but I was a bit overwhelmed by some anime series, namely Strike Witches, Lucky Star OVA, and Special A. Okay, there’s military-speak in SW, otaku-speak in LS, and odd shoujo-speak in SA, so it was a bit off of real Japanese conversation material, but for these shows I was willing to wait for the subs. I was fine though in Shugo Chara, Naisho no Tsubomi OVA and Itazura na Kiss, among others, but they feature simpler conversations.

Thirdly, I got tired watching jdorama. I don’t have much interest in those anymore, especially since I am not frequently exposed to Japanese TV anymore unlike when I was in Japan. Back in Japan I “always” have the TV on, and so I absorb things like the quirky variety shows, random owarai, dramas, movies, showbiz gossip, etc. How I miss the gossip part lolz, especially when the trend is that many idol girl celebrities have owarai comedy actors as boyfriends. I noticed more of those than having a jpop or regular actor boyfriend. Cute girls go more for the funny not-so-handsome man eh? (self: chansu?) Similarly, my jpop music consumption has been lowered, with Animax-Asia not showing Music Station lately. Have they canned that already?

The active and passive form of my Japanese training fails me, so today I’m witnessing my return to innocence, and at this point, I’m still not sure what kind of solution I’ll take. Well… maybe I can relate this to the recent US Election perhaps? Suppose my time in Japan was the Clinton era, and after that, my Japanese skills going downhill is the Bush era, perhaps this is the time for “change”? Maybe a different kind of outlook, a higher purpose and a greater sense of responsibility.

Self-reflection: So why was I learning Japanese in the first place?

Yup, it was the animu. I was too engrossed in Japanese entertainment in general, that I want to understand more, consume more, and enjoy more of those things. As I grow up, and my real-life responsibilities increase, I had to sacrifice some time away from my hobbies, resulting in some lack of interest in the entertainment. You can also notice that in my sparse blogging. And so that kind of answer, “all because of the animu”, doesn’t apply anymore. So the solution is change… a change in the answer to that question of self-reflection. Do I still have a reason for learning it? For now… I’m not sure yet. Who knows, maybe I’ll have a Japanese girlfriend, or another job going to Japan, or taking interest in other aspects of the culture aside from animu. Whatever reason it may be, it’s not there yet. Just like Obama, all I have for now is “hope”, that I can revive my interest in learning the language through another reason.

Strike Witches

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Strike Witches

Everytime summer arrives, the big-budget Hollywood movies come too. It seems to be the most lucrative season of mainstream film the whole year, as blockbuster after blockbuster gets released in a span of a few months. Granted that there are some exceptions to the rule, but generally, summer blockbusters are usually shallow, popcorn entertainment for the masses. It’s not Oscar season, and so they are just raking in the big bucks for now by offering simple yet fun movies that one would probably forget after a while. In a way, this is how I felt Strike Witches was for me. It is an equivalent of a shallow, popcorny, simple and fun anime blockbuster… with a heavy slice of fanservice.
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